Unfamiliar Territory
by dearlydepraved
Summary: "The two boys stared at each other, frozen in place, neither daring to make even the slightest movement for what seemed like hours, even though it were mere moments. Gon saw the look of horror that had come upon Killua's face..."


As Gon lay on his back beside him, deeply asleep, Killua lay wide awake facing the opposite direction. They two boys had been travelling together for awhile now, occasionally sharing a small bed in a cheap motel room when it was warrented. As the two had become quite close since meeting at the Hunters' Exam, this was a non issue.

Killua turned to face the boy sleeping beside him, absentmindedly watching his chest rise and fall with each breath.

_How can he fall asleep so easily?_ Killua softly wondered out loud to a silent room. _Not only is there no space in this bed, but the air in this motel room is stale, and we haven't had a real meal or job in at least a week._

Killua sighed heavily, causing Gon to gently stir. He held his breath and froze, making sure he hadn't woken his best friend with his selfish musings. When Gon settled motionlessly again, breathing steadily as he had been before, Killua soundlessly let out the air he'd been holding in.

This time, the thoughts remained in his head. _He's just so... Optimistic. All the time. No matter what the situation._

Killua scowled, suddenly realizing that this was most likely due to the way he'd been raised. The young boys had come from two completely different worlds, and it was almost a joke that they had somehow come to be best friends.

Gon had grown up carefree, knowing all the love in the world. Though his father had abandoned him as a toddler without a clue about his mother, his aunt had raised him in their stead. He grew up in a household full of love and praise.

Contrary to this, Killua had grown up in a cold, offhandedly caring home. Of course, what else would you expect from a family of assassins? Where Gon had received hugs and smiles, Killua had learned to tolerate various forms torture. Gon was running around the island fishing and hiking, laughing with the sailors who would come into port each day. Killua was growing accustom to the feeling of electricity coursing through his veins and creating an immunity to most poisons.

_Its not fair._ Killua thought suddenly. _How can he just trust me so blindly? He knows who my family is and what we are. He knows how dangerous I am. And yet, he can lay beside me, completely vulnerable._

Killua continued to watch Gon's chest rise and fall. At this point, it had become relaxing to watch. Like a metronome; you can't take your eyes off it, almost allowing it to hypnotize you. Well, not Killua anyway. Fighting hypnotism was just another skill he'd learned in his intense childhood training.

Killua's expression softened as he thought about how much time they'd spent together, and what they'd been through. He felt himself smiling, still watching Gon as he slept. He caught himself as his hand traveled toward Gon, fighting to keep himself from running his fingers through the sleeping boy's hair.

_What... What am I doing?!_ He shook his head gently, attempting to free himself of the mostly innocent thoughts that sprinted across his mind.

He scowled again, trying to rationalize his thoughts. _This is Gon's impact on my life. Of course, someone like him has to come along and nearly negate all of the training I've had to become nearly emotionless and unattached._ This instantly forced him to think of Illumi, which caused a shiver to run down his spine. Again, Gon stirred beside him, this time turning sleepily onto his side, facing Killua.

He let go of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and forced his heart rate to slow. _What is wrong with me?_ For the first time in a long time, Killua felt fear in his own eyes.

_What am I afraid of? Gon is my best friend. Friend. Friend.._. It almost appeared as though he were trying to convince himself of this rather than thinking of it as hard truth.

_He's been there for me through so much. He even went far as to rescue me from my own home knowing the danger. He is always there to calm me down when I'm ready to burst with frustration or anger. Why am I suddenly questioning myself?_ His eyebrows furrowed at the sudden cacophony of thoughts in his mind.

This time Killua allowed himself to gently touch Gon's cheek, otherwise unmoving, not wanting the boy to wake to such an odd moment. Slowly he pulled his hand away, losing himself once again in thought.

_This is just because I was raised without emotional connection or intimacy, and Gon has showed me that. Yeah, it's just because of the closeness I guess I was subconsciously in need of. If it were anyone else, I would still feel the same pull. Right?_

Killua was second guessing his own thoughts. Where has this sudden need for touch come from? Yes, occasionally the two boys would embrace platonically in celebration following the completion of a job or defeat of a difficult opponent, but it was never more than that. And Killua never thought of it as more than that. _So why am I suddenly looking at it as more than it is?_

This time, Killua couldn't stop himself from bringing his hands to Gon's hair, gently running his fingers through it. _It's a lot softer than I had expected it to be._ Each of Killua's moves were calculated and soft, gentle enough that Gon wouldn't notice but enough for Killua to get the contact he suddenly desired.

He immediately pulled his fingers away as he felt an unfamiliar sadness creep upon him. Killua had never been touched or touched anyone else in this way, without secondary motives. Sure, occasionally Illumi would softly caress his cheek or slide his thumb across his jawline, but it was usually a power move, showing dominance over the younger boy. Every time Killua had been touched this way, it only led to physical pain. So why, suddenly, was he feeling emotionally pained while softly touching the motionless boy beside him?

Everything Killua had been thinking about was new territory to him. He was unaccustomed to the idea that someone could show him any actual kindness without wanting something in return. And yet Gon seemed genuinely happy simply with Killua's presence alone. With his family's words still echoing inside of his head, Killua was still confused about the fact that Gon could possibly be his actual, legitimate friend. An assassin can actually have a friend?

Killua's thoughts began to wander as he began thinking again about the softness of Gon's hair and the comfort he felt with his hand on Gon's cheek. His face suddenly burned in silent embarrassment as he realized where those thoughts were headed and at the physical reaction that was beginning to occur beneath the sheets. He gently brought up his hand, his thumb resting on Gon's soft lips, slightly parted with sleep. A small smile once again crept across Killua's lips. He had never felt any type of romantic or physical attraction to another human being, so he wasn't sure if what he was feeling was either or both. He loved Gon like a brother, yes, but his brothers were nothing like sweet, gentle Gon. Gon, who he could imagine enjoying an unending amount of time with. Gon, who always made him smile and laugh. Gon, who could always cheer him up. Gon who looked past his family and his past. Gon who's sleepy appearance made him... aroused?!

Killua nearly retreated his hand at the thought (and feeling), but decided against it. Gon appeared to be deeply asleep, after all. Maybe with a few light touches he could see if what he was feeling was actual arousal caused by Gon, or simply arousal at the idea of being physically intimate with someone, anyone, for the first time.

His hand slowly moved down to Gon's chest, pausing to rest upon the spot where his heart lay beating slowly inside. Killua's heart, however, had begun to speed up. Trying to control his breathing, Killua attempted to move his body slightly closer to Gon without waking him. He paused to stare at the boy's lips once again. He contemplated whether or not he could risk a soft kiss. After some deliberation and mental argument, he decided against it. His hand moved slightly lower, stopping at the waistband of his supposed best "friend's" boxer shorts. The two of them had begun to sleep in only their boxers instead of the addition of a t shirt, as the temperature in the air had begun to increase.

Holding his breath, he moved his hand down the rest of the way, stopping to rest upon the boy's cloth covered semi-erection, much to Killua's surprise. Could this be from Killua's touch or from the normal hormones raging in his teenage body? He silently let out the breath and realized that he himself was stiffening with arousal. Gon seemingly subconsciously moved his body against Gon's hand and let out a small noise. Killua froze in place until the boy stopped moving. Before he was able to retract his hand, Gon's eyes shot wide open.

The two boys stared at each other, frozen in place, neither daring to make even the slightest movement for what seemed like hours, even though it were mere moments. Gon saw the look of horror that had come upon Killua's face and in that moment felt the boy's hand in a place he would never have expected it to wander. He shot a quick glance down at Killua's hand, still cupped around his partial erection and just as quickly brought his eyes back up to Killua's.

"Uh... Killua..." Before he had the chance to finish the question, Killua shot out of bed and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.


End file.
